Times are hard but life goes on. That's what I keep on telling myself as I go through each day trying to get back on my feet again. It's so weird blurting it out: "get back on my feet again." It's as though someone had tripped me to the ground. I'm wounded, I think I broke my ankle and it hurts to even just think of getting up. But I have somewhere to go, so I have to get up, tough it up, and keep on walking. Even if it hurts.
It's weird how some days feel like almost exactly how I am describing it now.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
In Seclusion
This is the time that distance myself from anything that could bring negative energy.
This is also the time that I am loosening up, so I invited friends to drink with me at home last Saturday. We finished one bottle of tequila and at least 2 six-packs. I had fun with friends but I didn't have fun dealing with the hangover. The last time I felt that bad was when I was 21, a very long time ago.
Prior to Saturday, I had been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I would lie in bed for at least 2 hours, going over all my worries in my head. I would eventually fall asleep only to wake up 4 hours later sweating from a bad dream, then I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. I have tried meditation, prayers, exercise and Nyquils. I thought getting drunk would help me sleep but it didn't work, because Saturday night, I woke up at least 3 times, anxious and still drunk.
I realized the reason for all my anxiety was that I was overanalyzing this getting laid-off situation. I have not had time to stop and look at the bigger picture. So I decided I'll take it slowly. I'll be kinder to myself. I can only do as much as I can in one day anyway. I'll have brunch with my friends and listen to them. I'll set aside time each day for a conversation with God. I'll attend new gym classes. I'll pursue a hobby.
As I say these things that I will do, I couldn't help but think what I would have done if this happened 6 years ago. I would probably have drowned myself in alcohol like I did back then. Things have changed, I have changed. If I survived those dark days, I surely can survive this new challenge.
Another lesson from this experience: Dark clouds come in our lives and shower us with rain, like tears falling from our eyes. When the terror and sorrow are over, the sky will look so much clearer and we'll realize, we have never been better. I'm not there yet but I know I will be.
This is also the time that I am loosening up, so I invited friends to drink with me at home last Saturday. We finished one bottle of tequila and at least 2 six-packs. I had fun with friends but I didn't have fun dealing with the hangover. The last time I felt that bad was when I was 21, a very long time ago.
Prior to Saturday, I had been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I would lie in bed for at least 2 hours, going over all my worries in my head. I would eventually fall asleep only to wake up 4 hours later sweating from a bad dream, then I wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. I have tried meditation, prayers, exercise and Nyquils. I thought getting drunk would help me sleep but it didn't work, because Saturday night, I woke up at least 3 times, anxious and still drunk.
I realized the reason for all my anxiety was that I was overanalyzing this getting laid-off situation. I have not had time to stop and look at the bigger picture. So I decided I'll take it slowly. I'll be kinder to myself. I can only do as much as I can in one day anyway. I'll have brunch with my friends and listen to them. I'll set aside time each day for a conversation with God. I'll attend new gym classes. I'll pursue a hobby.
As I say these things that I will do, I couldn't help but think what I would have done if this happened 6 years ago. I would probably have drowned myself in alcohol like I did back then. Things have changed, I have changed. If I survived those dark days, I surely can survive this new challenge.
Another lesson from this experience: Dark clouds come in our lives and shower us with rain, like tears falling from our eyes. When the terror and sorrow are over, the sky will look so much clearer and we'll realize, we have never been better. I'm not there yet but I know I will be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)